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another try

Monday, April 25, 2005

How does look matter?

In reading one blog from my dearest friend Wira, I cannot avoid myself to have discussion in my head. A discussion that should take place if Wira is close by, as we were used to. Just another discussion among our countless discussions in the past, present and hopefully future.

Does look matter? You bet! It matters a lot! It matters anytime, everywhere and for everybody. It is thus pointless to oppose that fact, but one question is missing, how does it matter? While Wira's blogging is a dicussion on human's normal tendency to praise beauty, a reality that no one should apologize for, he only touches the how question very briefly.

I can only agree that beauty attracts, one of the condition of beauty itself is the ability to attract others. But then, does being attracted equal to be in love with? In some cases yes, but not in others. And again, what is beauty? what is attractive?

As many people, Wira's blog tends to define beauty as physical attractiveness. He then just crossed out character attractiveness as a simple comfort. How does look matter? Is it when you have straight nose, full lips, big eyes, long eyelashes, fair skin, big boobs, sexy hip, and long legs? How does look matter? Is it only when female or male use their sexuality to attract others? This understanding only gets half of what human beauty is. By praising physical beauty, one will overlook other beauty or dismiss it as simply kindness, comforting, and best friend quality. I will not discuss the social endowment of beauty, but I just want to say that you do not need to be 'beautiful' to attract your opposite sex. Needless to say that beauty does not garanty love.

Many of my friends will say.."yeah right! Easy for you to say, you are not ugly." No it is not easy. Not many of them know how I was called and nicknamed ugly by my family since I can understand what the word means. Not many of them know how I cried inside when people mocked me of being tomboy and not feminine like my little sister. Not many of them know how I hated everything about my body, how I wished to be taller, have fairer skin, preetier face, black and thick hair, and more femine body. Not many of them know how I fight my way of refusing the beauty prison, how I had to listen to my mother's preach on how important it is for a girl to put make up and try to be beautiful, especially in my case. Yes, I was ugly. And I accepted it, with hatred and tears, of course.

But then what is really suprising, there were still some boys who were attracted to me. Yup, boys, those people who mostly do not have deep understanding nor care on anything but physical beauty. I still remember my friends and family commented on how surprise they were to know that there were boys who would be interested in an 'ugly duck' like me. Why would they?

My answer, because I force people to see my human beauty. I always try to be proud of my thoughts, identity, and strong character. I do not hide myself behind powders or lipstick. I let my personality to shine. I argue, fight, and laugh freely. I was and hopefully will always be myself, despite to be perceived as rude or not-a-girl.

So how does look matter? It is when your eyes speak your mind, it is when your eyes smile when your lips smile, it is when your face radiates a pride of yourself. It is when you smile and laugh when your heart wishes, it is when your mouth speaks the words of courage, honesty, and loyalty. It is when your ears are open for others, when your thoughts are always wish them well, when your tears do not stop you from helping them to go through difficult moments. It is when you are sure where are you going, why are you going and that you will never stop. How does look matter? It is when you are being yourself and be proud of it!

Physical beauty is not the only way to be attractive. One of my ex, who is now my friend, told me that he was attracted to me because I looked smart, not beautiful. And beauty is not the only key to be loved. Besides, there is one person whose love is the most important, yourself. Before you let anybody else loves you, make sure that you have loved yourself. Thus, you will be sure that both of you will love the same person. Not a person that the other imagines what he/she should be. And when you have found someone who teaches you to love yourself, you have found the love. I have, and now I can finally say that I am beautiful.


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